i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
