im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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