Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
