Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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