Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize