he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
