I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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