i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He passed out mid-signature
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
