i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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