fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Mom said you looked used
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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