I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
