I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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