I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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