she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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