he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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