I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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