I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
