garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
