lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize