dude i'm inner monologue high
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
