babies were throwing up all over the place
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
