there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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