Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
