No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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