first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
