Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
