it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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