Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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