toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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