Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
