I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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