i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
