to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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