We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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