Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
