Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this boner is exhausting
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize