Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
