dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
third nipple confirmed
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
