If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
