While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize