It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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