I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
