i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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