I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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