if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
