Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
