This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
