I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
