Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize