Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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