So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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