she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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