I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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