No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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