She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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