Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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