White coat. Heels.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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