This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
