Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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