i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
