she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
