I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
