last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
