My first STD was from a foam party
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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