I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
