I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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