Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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