I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
now i know why i became what i already was.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
