Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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