I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
