rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize